Sunday night, I watched a 13-year-old girl perform a dance with her flags that ministered to an entire church congregation.  Hands were raised, tears were falling, and God was worshiped.  She might not have planned for such a reaction, but God did.

She was a minister.  She is a minister.

So are all teenagers.

Don’t tell me that teen can only minister to children or their peers.  That’s a lie!  I’ve seen them pray and comfort adults, speak in tongues, and lead others into salvation.

In 1 Timothy 4:12 Paul writes, “Don’t let anyone think less of you because you are young.  Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity.”  That’s being a person of integrity, character, and ministry.

Teenagers aren’t the ministers of tomorrow.  They are ministers today.  Right along with anyone else.

So, you’re the new youth pastor as a local church.  Now what?

Do I…

1. …decorate the youth room?
2. …start changing programs, meeting times, etc.?
3. …sit back and soak in the perks?
4. All of the above.
5. None of the above.

Answer: E – None of the above.

As a new youth pastor, you need to have only one focus.  Building relationships with those around you. That’s it!  Taking time to do this will better your chances of success.  It will help in building trust.  It will prove that you care more about the people you serve, than about the youth ministry.  Without doing this, you risk no one listening to your messages, following your leading, or taking your advice if they even ask for it in the first place.  In the end, people don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.

Do you need to study and prepare for your lessons and sermons?  Absolutely!

Do you need to work on preparing a positive learning/worship environment?  Sure thing!

Do you need to spend time resting?  Without a doubt!

Do you need to be praying?  Wouldn’t be successful without it!

But don’t forget to get to know the people at your church; especially your new students and their families.

So, who do I build relations with?

• Your new students. Without a doubt the most important group of people.  These are the people you’ll be teaching and mentoring from week-to-week.
• Your students’ families. Parents are the most influential people in your student’s lives, and will be your most important allies.  Don’t forget about their siblings either.  Many students are close to their brothers and sisters and want to know that you care about them, too.
• Your lead pastor. He’s your biggest supporter, and he needs you to support him, too.
• Any other church leaders. Why not?  They are leaders in your new church even if they don’t have anything to do with the youth ministry.
• As many other church attendees as possible. You can’t build a relationship with everyone, but get to know others outside of church leadership.  They are your teammates just as much as the other leaders are.
• Community leaders. You’re there to serve the community along with your students.

One last important note

Relationship building isn’t about being nice to get allies to serve you and to support you.  That’s counter-productive and goes against the teachings of Jesus.  When doing this, be genuine in your caring.  If you don’t care about the people you serve, then why are you serving them anyway?

Over a year ago, in the city with no lake, I was standing in a McDonald’s parking lot talking to a friend.  We had just met each other the week prior while serving as camp counselors.  Our conversation from that night will forever be lodged into my thick brain.  It went like this:

Friend: What church do you attend?
Me: Restoration Ministries. (I have since left to serve at Life-Givers Ministries.)
Friend: Is that with Pastor Chuck?
Me: Yep.
Friend: And you’re the youth pastor?
Me: Yep.
Friend: Do you get paid enough or do you work part-time somewhere else?
Me: I don’t get paid, so I have a full-time job.
Friend: What?  You don’t get paid as a youth pastor?
Me: Nope.
Friend: So, you’re a real youth pastor.

This struck me hard.

Before I continue let me clarify something.  I know what my friend meant.  He meant that the money didn’t matter to me, and he’s right.  I don’t care if I ever get paid to be a minister.  I love the Church, and I love people.  I only want the best for them, and want to help them like Jesus did.

A “Real” Youth Pastor

Is there such a thing as a “real” youth pastor?  What does that really mean?

It has nothing to do with money or receiving any sort of compensation.  It goes much deeper.  It has to do with passion.  Passion for students.  Passion for parents.  Passion for families.  A “real” youth pastor isn’t about a title.  A “real” youth pastor is a pastor before they ever achieve the title.

A real youth pastor is one who makes youth ministry happen.  He/she is one who when having no funds for resources spends their own money for resources.  He/she is one who when everyone else talks negative about the upcoming generation breaks through the noise to inspire their students to their God-designed purpose.

A real youth pastor is one who wakes up thinking about students.

I initially wrote this post on my last blog, but I think it’s such a relevant message that I wanted to post it here, too.

There are rules everywhere.  They dictate how we drive a vehicle or pay our taxes or dress at work.  These rules are important in that they are not negotiable.  Drive according to the rules or lose your license.  Pay your taxes or face the wrath of the IRS.  Dress appropriately at work or you won’t have a job.

But some rules are more like suggestions.  Take this article for instance.  These 5 people are those who broke the “rules” of social media, faced considerable amount of pressure to conform, and came out on top in the end.

But who makes the rules anyway?  At what point does someone say, “This is a rule that must be followed?”  Especially in social media.  Social media is about the people contributing to the entirety of the social environment.  Heck, it has the word “social” in the name!  There is no governing body except the participants, and they have the right to contribute however they deem necessary because there is no official governing body.

The same would go for ministry.  Who created the rules for doing ministry?  My favorite question to ask anyone is…here comes the black sheep question…wait for it…WHY.  Why does it have to be done this way?  Why can’t it be done another way?  Why?  Why?

I guess my point is this.  Just because it’s never been done before doesn’t mean that it can’t be done, and just because somebody says that it can’t be done doesn’t mean that an idea won’t be successful.  In the end, some “rules” end up being more like suggestions or what some would call best practices.

Now think about this: It might be prettier to stay between the lines, but not nearly as fun.

Who knows what you can accomplish if you’re willing to push the boundaries a little and step out from within the rules. In the end, some rules are more like suggestions.

I’m weird.  Why?  Because, I love change.  In fact, I thrive on change.  Sure, too much change is bad, but so is too little.  It’s got to be “Just right” as Goldie Locks would say.

Since I love change I don’t understand why people hate it so much.  Change is going to happen.  We should be used to it, right?

As a pastor, I’m always evaluating whether change is needed.  If it doesn’t, then no changes are made.  If it does, then change is on the way.

My point: Churches should be constantly evaluating change.  A good policy would be to change what’s necessary, keep what’s not, and always keep evaluating everything.

Being in youth ministry with her is a huge blessing, too.  She loves children and teenagers, and because she’s experienced so much in her short life she knows much of what they have going on in their lives and wants to share the wisdom that God has given to her so to help them battle through their problems.  That’s why I’m glad to announce that Bridgett has launched a new Q&A site for teenagers to ask questions for advice while being able to answer other questions themselves.  We call it Fight 4 Your Life.

The idea is simple.  Teenagers can ask a question to get help or advice, and Bridgett and/or other teens can answer the question.  Or Bridgett can ask a question to get ideas and suggestions from others.  It’s a win-win.  The only issue that we’ll keep in mind is to watch others’ answers to make sure that they are uplifting and not negative.

Before I finished my announcement, let me say a big “Thank You” to the 8Bit network for bring QHub to my attention.  QHub is the website that is powering Fight 4 Your Life.

I’m a big fan of Shawn Wood’s idea of providing low control along with high accountability.  In other words, present to the teens as few rules as possible (low control) while explaining that these rules will be strictly enforced (high accountability).  Sounds pretty common so far right?  Sure, until you hear how many rules I have.

So, how many rules do I have as a youth pastor?  One.  That’s right.  Only one.  Here is my rule.

Respect

It means, “giving special attention to something or someone.”  It’s a simple rule that’s not hard to follow, and to be extremely clear this rule is broken into 5 parts.

1. God.

   God is at the center of everything that my team and I do in the Beyond Youth.  Nothing is done without first considering if God wants us to do it or not.  I cannot make a student believe in God or to do what is right, but as long as he/she is in this youth ministry you will respect Him.  This ministry was founded by God and it stands to serve God.  If a student is going to be involved, then he/she will respect Him; even if he/she choose not to believe in Him.

2. Each other.

   We are all God’s creation.  No one is more important than anyone else.  So, each person is going to be treated with respect.  Matthew 7:12 states, “So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.”  Keep in mind that to earn respect, one has to give it.  As an addition to respecting each other, respected will be…

3. The leadership.

   This is an extension to #2.  Who are the leadership?  They are any person in church leadership including any specific ministry leader/director.

4. The facility.

   This includes anything that belongs to the church or that the church uses.  Everyone needs to take care of what the church has.  If not, then the church won’t have anything to use, including the Beyond Youth.

5. Yourself.

   If a student can’t respect him/herself, then no one else will.  As was mentioned in #2, no one is more important than someone else.  God created each person and that makes them very important and very special.

As with any set of rules there are consequences for breaking this one.  Simply put, as long as respect is given, then the doors are always open for student participation.  If not, then the offending students can hit the road.  They can come back when they can respect.  Keep in mind that leniency is given.  Student banishment is a last ditch effort to help the student understand how they have been acting, and is enforced only upon approval of the senior pastors.  This is to keep my wife and I accountable.